6 More Lessons Learned From My Darkest Days (You Can Use to Heal): Part 2
The dread, the fear, the pain.
The sweat, the worry, the hurt.
Toiling in unnecessary suffering.
If you’ve ever wondered how to lift yourself out of a dark hole, the lessons shared in Part 1 give guidance to propel you out of your malaise.
They formed the foundation of my transformation — helping me shift from deep depression, anxiety, and fear.
Without medication or prolonged therapy.
To be clear, medication may play an essential role in your journey, and it’s a decision to make with your physician.
Similarly, therapy can be a transformative tool — I mentioned it in Part 1, Lesson 4 — it might be exactly what you need.
I hope those lessons provide you with some relief and inspiration, like the sun bursting forth after a long winter, illuminating a path toward brighter days.
But the journey doesn’t stop there.
In this second article, we’re diving further — exploring the hidden traps of the mind, the simple shifts to spark joy, and the life-changing power of gratitude and connection.
These lessons aren’t theories. I offer hard-won insights from my own struggles, in the hope they will light your way forward.
Whether joining me here for the first time or continuing from Part 1, these next six lessons meet you where you are and guide you toward healing and growth.
Let’s take these next steps together.
10. The MIND is a trickster
I spoke about this in Part 1. Here is another angle.
Your mind can be deceptive.
It can talk you out of anything, and it can talk you into anything.
How do you decide what action to take?
Follow your heart.
“The Mind thinks, the Heart knows” ~ unknown
You’ve heard this before. (I speak to this here: Part 1, Lesson 5—Listening to Your Inner Voice)
But you’re scared to take that step.
You THINK you might get it wrong.
Don’t listen to that dialogue.
You have something inside you, everyone does. Intuition. Inner Guidance. An impulse. A calling. It goes by many names.
It’s prompting you, but are you listening?
When your mind is loud, it can drown out your inner voice.
What does it take to hear it calling?
Trust.
Faith.
In who or what?
In yourself.
It’s not out there.
It’s in here, your heart.
You Are Your Own Guide — In moments of despair, you can discover you hold the answers you seek.
Take a risk… dare to explore uncharted territory.
Resisting the impulse to act carries a greater risk. Because you’ll remain where you are — where you don’t want to be.
The good news is you can’t get it wrong. There is no wrong. And there is no failure. A bit like this meme.
ℹ️ You can define ‘success’ however you like
Even if things don’t go as planned, every experience has value. Mistakes are lessons in disguise.
You’ve learnt something. Don’t mistake following your heart with getting what you want.
A wise teacher told me, “you don’t always get what you want, sometimes you get what you need.”
It takes practice to both hear it and follow it.
I never realised I had it. I didn’t know it was always here, ready to guide me every time I tuned in.
And you have it too.
Think of a time you ignored your gut feeling and later regretted it.
The Price of Not Trusting Your Intuition
A friend of mine (let’s call her Susie, not her real name), was desperate to find new tenants for the house she was renting out.
She met a couple who agreed to move in.
Despite this, she had reservations. She wanted the money, but something inside told her they weren’t the right fit.
She ignored her gut instinct.
The new tenants were a nightmare. They complained about everything. Said the fridge was too noisy and didn’t work properly.
She bought them a new one.
Then they reported a rodent infestation. She got pest control involved who found ONE DEAD MOUSE and told her there wasn’t an issue.
After they accused her of coming round unannounced — when they had agreed to meet!
On and on it went.
She kept trying to please them but in the end they cost her thousands and she had to evict them.
Imagine if Susie had trusted her instincts instead?
She could have contacted the mortgage company and postponed a couple of payments, buying valuable time to find suitable people.
Your intuition is like a muscle — the more you use it, the stronger it gets.
Start small. Pay attention to those subtle nudges — whether it’s a hesitation before saying yes, or a quiet knowing that guides you in a different direction.
Instead of dismissing these feelings, pause and reflect:
Is this fear, or is this wisdom speaking?
Next time you get that inner signal, trust it. Lean in. See where it takes you.
What could shift if you did?
But another trap can quietly steal your joy and cause you to doubt your intuition.
How often do we second-guess ourselves because someone else seems to have it all figured out?
Let’s talk about this.
11. Are You Sabotaging Your Joy Without Realising It?
Years ago, I used to think I wasn’t good enough because I wasn’t excelling in terms society holds up as the benchmark.
Little did I know, many people live unhappy lives, chasing an unrealistic ideal, to “keep up with the Joneses”.
A Recipe For Inadequacy
The education system is built on comparison. Your value is judged by how your grades compare to your classmates.
Your life’s worth is frequently reduced to numbers and grades on a report card.
Lower grades mean you are a ‘failure’.
ℹ️ This does not mean, don’t strive for excellence — but do it for yourself and your own fulfilment.
The Fallacy of Comparison
We often think others have it better, have it all, or are living a great life.
They’ve got it all together, don’t have any problems and are absolutely smashing it.
Celebrities seem to be living the dream.
Yet, I spoke to a Doctor I know working in central London for over 20 years. Several patients are some of the most famous faces on TV and in the news.
He said, don’t be fooled by appearances.
Under the facade, many hide inner turmoil and health concerns, some severe.
We see the headlines, the glossy covers and the perfectly manicured presentations and draw false conclusions.
This holds true for the neighbor you envy, the ‘lucky’ colleague, and even the person you most admire.
The truth is, everyone has their challenges in life.
No one gets a free pass to a perfect, trouble-free life.
“Comparison is the Thief of Joy” ~ Theodore Roosevelt
Mind Your Own Business
Don’t get stuck in ‘social media envy’.
Stay in your own lane.
Forget about what others are up to.
Admire and appreciate another’s achievements, but don’t judge yourself as lesser than (or greater than).
Be happy with your lot and your life will be much simpler.
Once I stopped sabotaging my joy through comparison, I realised: Life is short — too short to waste comparing yourself.
Your mindset can either propel you forward or keep you stuck.
How to Stop Comparing
The big mistake we make is trying to receive validation for our worth from external sources.
You do not need approval from another.
💖 Recognise you are unique. You are the only you in the Universe. No one can compare to this truth.
💖 Practice gratitude for your current situation.
💖 Journal on your achievements.
On a different note, let’s talk about something that can keep you stuck in more ways than one especially if you are depressed.
12. Why Staying in Bed Feeds the Darkness
As mentioned in my introduction to Part 1, there was a time in my life when I would lie awake in a foggy fuzzy half-dream state contemplating stark choices.
It’s impossible to think clearly when you’re caught in such a dark mindset.
Eventually, I’d drag myself to the bathroom, unkempt and unwashed, but a shave and shower helped me feel a bit more human even on my worst days.
I would make a cup of tea and cast my mind back to the twisted gnarled thoughts I’d had whilst under the covers.
Suddenly the world did not seem quite so warped.
ℹ️ Staying in bed can perpetuate depression through lack of sunlight, movement, or a structured routine.
ℹ️ Even the smallest actions are big steps in reclaiming your day.
Granted, at times, you may be shattered, your body aching and you need rest.
If you’ve been working hard all week, nothing wrong with a lie-in.
But don’t let it be your default, even if you are unemployed.
How To Overcome The Urge To Stay In Bed
Plan your days. Have something to look forward to, no matter how small.
Get up, get out, get busy.
You may need to occupy your mind with a project and give yourself a ray of hope.
⭐ Wake up, hydrate, shower, and take a 10-minute walk as minimum first steps.
Once I made getting out of bed a daily non-negotiable, I noticed how much better I felt simply by being in motion.
But I know how hard it can be in those moments. So start small.
✅ Set One Simple Goal for the Morning
Don’t think about the whole day — just commit to one tiny action after waking up. It could be drinking a glass of water, opening the curtains, or making your bed. Small wins create momentum.
✅ Use the 5-Second Rule (Mel Robbins’ technique to override hesitation)
The moment you feel yourself sinking back under the covers, count down: 5–4–3–2–1 — GO. Swing your legs over the side and stand up. The longer you wait, the harder it gets.
Getting up and moving gave me some direction, but I discovered healing involves more than just action — it starts with the way you breathe.
Breathing exercises invigorate and clear stagnation.
Want to learn how to use your breath to shift your energy and mood?
In this article, I break down simple yet powerful breathing techniques to help relieve stress and improve mood, focus, relaxation, and sleep.
13. You Wouldn’t Say It To Your Best Friend
We’ve all been there — feeling stuck, lost, and utterly defeated. Imagine your closest friend sharing this.
She says she’s having a hard time, lost her job and is moping around at home struggling to get up and do anything worthwhile.
She knows she should apply for a new job, but right now, she’s subsisting on a few meagre savings. Worse, she’s single and feeling lonely.
What would you say to her?
“Get a grip! Pull yourself together. You should be ashamed of yourself. You are your own worst enemy. Girl, you really suck.”
Of course not!
You make her a cup of tea, sit down and listen without judging.
You empathise and remind her of the qualities she has, and reminisce about fun times.
You do everything in your power to make her feel good, right?
ℹ️ Why don’t we show ourselves the same kindness?
⭐ Write one kind thing you’d say to yourself — right now — as if you were your best friend.
Learn Self-Compassion
We often say the most hurtful, harmful words to ourselves that we wouldn’t dream of saying to a friend.
We judge and criticise ourselves, worse than others.
A stand-up comic, Troy Bond, argued with a woman in the front row.
Fuelled by anger she tried to insult him, to which he retorted: “there’s nothing you could say to me I haven’t said six inches from the mirror.”
That cuts deep.
And Men face ridiculous societal pressures, such as the harmful stereotype that men shouldn’t express emotions: BS like “real men don’t cry” or “man up”.
It’s suppression and it’s stifling.
This can lead to negative mental health impacts by discouraging men from expressing vulnerability or seeking help when needed.
Learn to accept yourself just as you are.
⭐ Try this self-compassion exercise: Place a hand on your heart and say, “I love and appreciate you. I’m here for you. You are enough.”
Research from Dr Kristin Neff shows self-compassion helps reduce anxiety and depression.
How To Stop Self-Criticism
It’s your life. No one can make you. But you can start right now if you wish.
BECOME YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.
Talk to yourself not as if you are your best friend but AS your best friend.
Speak as you would to someone you love and respect.
⭐ A quick exercise: The next time you catch yourself criticising yourself, pause. Take three deep breaths, and say something kind like, ‘I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.’
Bless yourself. Nurture yourself. Be kind to yourself.
⭐ A journal prompt to deepen reflection: Write the last negative thought you had about yourself.
Now reframe it into something supportive and kind, as if you were talking to a friend. How does it feel?
Example:
Your last negative thought was e.g., “I’m such a loser.” Now imagine a friend said this about themselves. What would you say to comfort or encourage them?
You might say, “You’re not a loser. Everyone struggles sometimes, but it doesn’t mean you’re failing. Think about everything you’ve already overcome — you’re stronger than you realise.”
Afterwards, reflect on how this feels when you apply the same kindness to yourself.
“Before it was harsh. I can see I’m being too critical, and I deserve more compassion. I wouldn’t talk to someone I care about this way, so I shouldn’t talk to myself like this either.”
Once you learn to be kind to yourself, you can tackle life’s challenges with more resilience.
Let’s explore another powerful lesson…
14. Discover Your Tribe: Why Belonging Matters
⭐ Join a Group — group energy is a potent force.
This could be the single most beneficial decision you make to improve your mental wellness.
In a group, you’ll find strength in shared experiences, diverse perspectives, and mutual encouragement — things we all need but often hesitate to seek.
We used to live in tightly knit communities.
Research into the “Blue Zones” (areas with the highest rates of longevity on the planet) shows connection is a cornerstone of their health.
They feel a strong sense of belonging.
We all want to belong to something that gives us a sense of purpose or meaning.
Hence the plethora of political and religious organisations, not to mention clubs and groups for every passion you can think of.
It’s Okay to Ask for Help
Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.
And you may surprise yourself at the support and upliftment you can give to someone else.
We all have something to offer.
⭐ You don’t have to join a group related to a specific issue you’re facing. What is your passion? What ignites a spark in you?
It might offer an indirect path out of malaise.
Meetup.com is a superb resource connecting individuals with shared interests.
I have used Meetup for public speaking workshops, cuddle workshops (it’s a thing!), dancing, Improv, non-duality and “The Work” of Byron Katie.
⭐ Can’t find the group you seek? Start one yourself!
Facebook plus others offer abundant choices. Dr Google is also your friend here.
There are free ones and paid ones.
You might hesitate to invest money, but think of it this way — if spending a little helps you shift out of loneliness or despair, isn’t it worth it?
The return on investment is your mental wellness.
Consider it an investment in yourself. What’s the greater cost of not joining?
15. Why Gratitude Isn’t Just a Buzzword (It’s A Proven Tool For Wellbeing)
When you’re in the depths of despair, gratitude feels like the last thing on your mind — but it can also be the lifeline that pulls you out.
When struggling to feel grateful, don’t worry — you’re not alone. Gratitude is a skill you can build.
If you missed it earlier, I wrote a whole piece on how washing dishes in Asia unexpectedly deepened my gratitude—you can find it here.
The Power of Gratitude
“Gratitude is the ultimate state of receivership.” ~ Dr Joe Dispenza
Receivership means the state of attracting positive experiences into your life by aligning with a grateful outlook.
When you’re in a dark place, it’s hard to see the positives in your life.
I understand this. I’ve been to hell and back.
I thought I’d never feel gratitude during my darkest days. It wasn’t on the radar.
What I didn’t realise was that it is possible to cultivate feelings of goodwill, gratitude and appreciation.
ℹ️ When was the last time you truly felt thankful for something in your life?
Gratitude Opens the Door
We rarely realise how privileged we are until we experience life without our usual comforts.
Many years ago, I spent some time in Nepal and Burma. I stayed in places that did not have running water or electricity 24–7. Basics we take for granted.
In India, in the winter, I either had cold showers or I paid the guesthouse for a bucket of hot water.
I give these examples to highlight how, in the West (and many parts of the East too), we live better than the Kings and Queens of yesteryear.
Finding Gratitude In Everyday Life
⭐ Take a moment to think about the comforts you have right now: clean water, a warm bed, or access to healthcare. Write them down — and feel gratitude for these things.
ℹ️ In terms of basic, practical means, most of you reading this will have an abundance of goods and services available, incomparable to what humanity lacked for millennia.
How To Feel Grateful When Life Is Hard
ℹ️ You might wonder, ‘How does this help me heal from my pain?’, ‘How does this address my trauma? The pain and suffering I experienced as a child?’
Important questions — and while gratitude alone isn’t a cure all, it’s a powerful start. You may need therapy too.
This does not negate appreciating what you can in your life right now.
ℹ️ Nothing works in isolation. Improve one area of your life and it will spill over to another.
In time, you may find those experiences propelled you to change. And feel grateful for who you’ve become because of that.
Appreciation of Small Things
You get up to go to work and get in a car or hop on a train. Can you appreciate this?
Your colleague brings you a cup of coffee at work. The aroma of your favourite meal as you enter the house. A stranger holds the door open for you.
All every day ordinary instances you can appreciate.
Joe Dispenza says people come up to him and say “I don’t feel grateful” and he says, of course you don’t, you’re practicing frustration, upset, fear, worry and blame all day long.
Jumping from there to loving life is unrealistic. But you can start.
Practicing Gratitude Will Shift Your Mindset
⭐ Think of people who’ve impacted your life positively.
⭐ List possessions that make your day-to-day life easier.
⭐ Acknowledge small wins or moments of joy, like a good meal or a warm shower.
🚀 Doing this every day will transform your outlook.
❤️ The key is to feel it.
What resonates most from this list?
- People you love in your life
- Possessions that make your life easier
- Places you enjoy
- Experiences that bring or have brought you joy
- A healthy body enabling you to get from A to B
- Food in your fridge
- Pets you cherish
What else adds to your life?
Start a gratitude journal today. Even one small entry a day can shift your mindset.
❤️ The key is not just to write it — but to feel the gratitude in your heart.
ℹ️ Gratitude isn’t to ignore the challenges you face or pretend you never had difficulties in the past.
But it will help you make peace with the past and find moments of acceptance and strength as you move forward.
Want to take this further? I’ve put together a 7-day gratitude challenge where you’ll receive simple daily prompts to help you build this life-changing habit.
Join here → [Sign up for the 7-Day Gratitude Challenge]
Before we wrap up, here’s an additional insight that I couldn’t leave out — it’s one of the simplest yet most powerful tools for inner peace…
Bonus Lesson: The Power of the Breath
Consider this:
- Your breath is one of the most powerful tools you have for grounding yourself in the present moment.
- The beauty of the breath is it’s with you wherever you go (and it’s free!).
- When you’re anxious or overwhelmed, slow your inhale and lengthen your exhale. You might be surprised how much it helps.
Try this: Breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for six. Repeat this cycle a few times. This simple practice can quiet your mind and ease your emotions almost instantly.
I dive into this in more detail in this article, but for now, simply notice your breathing. It can have an amazing impact.
A Brighter Tomorrow Begins Today
You’ve come a long way since my opening words.
From the shadows of dread and despair, we’ve uncovered lessons to challenge the mind’s tricks, break free from destructive habits, and embrace the power of gratitude and connection.
Changing isn’t a straight path, and it’s not always easy.
But step by step, with each small action, you’re reshaping your inner world — moving closer to the peace and joy you deserve.
Now is the time for the next step.
What does taking action look like?
It’s finding small ways to honour these lessons in your daily life:
Choosing gratitude even when it feels hard, seeking connection instead of isolation, and listening to your inner wisdom rather than the noise of the world.
Picture this: A life where the weight you’ve carried feels lighter, your heart steadier, and your days infused with moments of calm and joy. That life is within reach — it’s waiting for you to claim it.
And if you’re ready to take action right now, I’ve got just the place to start.
Kickstart Your Wellbeing Today
One of the easiest ways to shift your mindset is through gratitude.
If you’re ready to cultivate more joy, resilience, and inner peace, sign up for my free 7-day gratitude challenge.
Receive one email a day for a week, each with three simple prompts to help you build a lasting gratitude practice.
Start your free gratitude journey today → [Join Here].
Final Thought
Wherever you are on your journey, know that you’re not alone. These lessons are here to guide you.
Take what resonates, experiment with what you’ve learned, and trust that brighter days are ahead.
Start living the life you deserve — the time to act is now.
